Woot, I'm Rich!

       Good news everyone! I sometimes go through my junk mail to see if anything important and found an email called "Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) so me and my curiosity had to open and check it out. To my surprise apparently I apparently invested in the president of Nigeria and he is settling all his debt and I am going to get 8.5 million dollars! All I have to do is give this contact all my personal information and I get a bank card to transfer it to my personal account! I haven't been this lucky since I won the British and Canadian lottery all in the same day! Sure they wanted me to put down a few thousand to cover the wire transfer but big money like that is totally worth it! So now I have to give my infoz and gross sum of money to the FBI contact with an email ending in .cn . If you google .cn it originates from China. What a great cover for an agent? No one will find that suspicious especially when he apparently is in Africa!

Dear Beneficiary,

Series of meetings have been held over the past 7 months with the secretary general of the United Nations Organization. This ended 3 days ago. It is obvious that you have not received your fund which is to the tune of $8.500,000.00 due to past corrupt Governmental Officials who almost held the fund to themselves for their selfish reason and some individuals who have taken advantage of your fund all in an attempt to swindle your fund which has led to so many losses from your end and unnecessary delay in the receipt of your fund.

The National Central Bureau of Interpol enhanced by the United Nations and Federal Bureau of Investigation have successfully passed a mandate to the current president of Nigeria his Excellency President Good luck Jonathan to boost the exercise of clearing all foreign debts owed to you and other individuals and organizations who have been found not to have receive their Contract Sum, Lottery/Gambling, Inheritance and the likes. Now how would you like to receive your payment? Because we have two method of payment which is by Check or by ATM card?

ATM Card: We will be issuing you a custom pin based ATM card which you will use to withdraw up to $3,000 per day from any ATM machine that has the Master Card Logo on it and the card have to be renewed in 4 years time which is 2016. Also with the ATM card you will be able to transfer your funds to your local bank account. The ATM card comes with a handbook or manual to enlighten you about how to use it. Even if you do not have a bank account.

Check: To be deposited in your bank for it to be cleared within three working days. Your payment would be sent to you via any of your preferred option and would be mailed to you via FedEx. Because we have signed a contract with FedEx Express which should expire by the end of this month, you will only need to pay $200 instead of $455 saving you $255 So if you pay before the end of this month you save $255 Take note that anyone asking you for some kind of money above the usual fee is definitely a fraudsters and you will have to stop communication with every other person if you have been in contact with any. Also remember that all you will ever have to spend is $200.00 nothing more! Nothing less! And we guarantee the receipt of your fund to be successfully delivered to you within the next 48hours after the receipt of payment has been confirmed.

Note: Everything has been taken care of by the Federal Government of Nigeria, The United Nation and also the FBI and including taxes, custom paper and clearance duty so all you will ever need to pay is $200.

DO NOT SEND MONEY TO ANYONE UNTIL YOU READ THIS: The actual fees for shipping your ATM card is $455 but because FedEx have temporarily discontinued the C.O.D which gives you the chance to pay when package is delivered for international shipping We had to sign contract with them for bulk shipping which makes the fees reduce from the actual fee of $455 to $200 nothing more and no hidden fees of any sort!

To effect the release of your fund valued at $8.500,000.00usd you are advised to contact our correspondent in Africa the delivery officer Kingsley Jo with the information below,

      Lol but seriously these emails crack me up. Though my mom was in banking for several years. It honestly is sad that so many people will fall for this. If the Nigerian president tries to give you blood money don't take it!!!!

The Road to Manhood Lies in the Lawn

                    So apparently I have become a man now. As part of an agreement for my apartment I have to do some lawn work for the complex I live at which isn't so bad except for the fact that the landlord excepts me to mow about an acre of land with... a weed whacker. Not even a nice weed whacker either. Its this old HEAVY one that I will say is pretty powerful BUT the engine sounds rough and I am constantly paranoid that its just gonna blow up and set me running around the parking lot screaming and on fire. BESIDES THAT it has those cheap place heads instead of using twine which don't really cut anything. And what I am cutting isn't any fancy pants sod but nice big patches of wild grass. Seriously it looks like the savannah in the places I haven't done yet. I am afraid lions are gonna pop out and maul me to death. 

          Well when I first started using the weed whacker from hell I called my dad to come take a look at it. So the next day he brings his weed whacker which is even worse then this one. Its like the cheapest thing you can pick up from Walmart and as soon as it touches even a blade of grass its like "oh f**k that" and dies.

         The way my dad thinks is that just because I asked one questions just to make sure its ok and I don't break anything means I don't know how to do it at all. Even though I been doing lawn work for YEARS he had to take me by the hand and show me step by step how to operate the weed whacker and  ended up cutting down a hefty portion of my work while I "analyzed" his technique and sat on my a** twiddling my thumbs but as much more I had to do I was like hey more power to him. So letting him do his thing and him constantly reminding me how its not so bad that I have to cut half of Africa's grass with a freaking weed whacker he finally left. 

          My plan was I was gonna continue it later since by then I already spent hours out there so I packed everything up and went for some R&R. about an hour later he calls me and told me he bought me a mower out of the blue. He came up with the brilliant assumption that a weed whacker isn't gonna cut it to handle all the yard work that needed to be done(thank god). So he cam over again and was telling me how he got an amazing deal on a Turo (or something like that) and how great of a mower it is and how he haggled with this pawnshop. The pawnshop he actually went to is like this tiny redneck cinder block bunker looking thing with a chain linked fence and looks incredibly run down. We are talking like walking dead run down so why he was impulsed to stop there I am still wonder. And apparently the mower that he bought for $125 (he got them to come down $25 ) didn't even run.  I love my dad but this was one of his more dorkier episodes. He poured all the old gas of the mower out all over the parking lot and filled it with new and this old stone age mower actually turned on. He was all excited and was telling me how great Turo was over and over and over again before testing the mower out himself mowing another large chunk out of the complex again while I sat on my butt twiddling my thumbs.

       As he finally wrapped up with lawn he was telling me how proud he was that I am becoming a man learning how to do lawn work (which I already knew...) so apparently to become a man one must undergo the trials of the lawn. Who knew? 

Flowers, Chocolate, & Cleaning Wipes

                 So my super awesome  amazing fiance just had her birthday a few days ago. Of course she freaked out thinking it was judgement day and the world was gonna end because she turned a year older. What is also amusing is how for another 5 months she gets to freak out about the fact that we are 3 years (TECHNICALLY) apart.
          Since moving out on our own in march, our budget is tiny enough that you need once of those super electron microscopes just to see any money that we can keep and use for ourselves. So It was very interesting getting her gift. My dad came over that day and was like Buy Her A Pendant! And of course my mind is going budget,budget,budget,budget,budget,budget,budget,budget,budget,budget,budget,budget
budget,budget,budget,budget,budget,budget,budget,budget,budget,budget,budget,budget,budget,budget,
budget.but that didn't stop him from pulling up all the jewelers sites and showing me my huge selection which wasn't huge at all cause my budget was microscopic. It is very hard getting diamond jewelry on plastic ring you get from those quarter machines at the grocery store budget.
     Anyhoo I ended up going to the grocery store(lol) for my birthday gift giving needs. There was these miniature roses in a tera cotta pot that she was days before and went gaga over so I picked those up for her. Since its Easter they had all their Easter supplies out and ya sure I could get just a few bars of ordinary chocolate but Fey don't do plain. I one uped that mofo and got her 2 big chocolate bunnies. SOLID CHOCOLATE. (all woman love chocolate xD)
     And finally my third gift to the woman whom I love so much and plan to wed and live happily ever after. Something she has been NAGGING me about for 1 MONTH, When normal people move they worry about furniture and unpacking and all that normal stuff. My fiance worries about..... do we have enough detergent for the washing machine or we need to buy a vacuum (she went crazy when my grandparents bought us one for our house warming gift). Another thing she was dying to have was one of those wet mops that use the cleaning pads. Out of the KINDNESS (spontaneous caps this post xD) of my heart I bent the budget and let her SPLURGE and by her $20 dollar fancy pants mop which only came with one wipe which she promptly used and poured the burning liquid on me "by accident" (yes i remember that!). So for her birthday I got her much sought cleaning pads for her birthday.
    When I got to the check out the cashier started at me with this weird expression on his. Its like Flowers, Chocolate, & Cleaning Wipes, Hi honey, I love you, here is some flowers and chocolate.... and some cleaning wipes now go clean the kitchen bish. lmao. Anyways HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY I LOVE YOUUU!

Squirrel Flu

  See that catch title? "Squirrel flu", Like I am gonna talk about diseases with annoying rodents who eat everything but I'M NOT (dun dun dunnn) And yes, yes I didn't post anything yesterday, which I'll promptly be explaining why.

     So yesterday I was blahhhh. Ever wake up with that hint of nausea that isn't serious enough to care but still annoying enough to ruin your day? But the good news is I got a little side job. My Dads wife got another virus on her laptop and instead of my dad taking it to the computer shop and getting charged like crazy I get to fix it for a low price cause I don't know whats reasonable to charge. woot! It is something I do enjoying doing tho and this is such a nasty virus. Imagine your hard drive as a room and there's these shelves called file systems in the room that you put your junk(data) on. Imagine the shelf like vanished. That's what pretty much happened, so there's this huge mess of data that looks like that TV show Hoarders : Buried Alive....except with computers! So I figure out whats wrong and Google the bajesus out it till I find something that works. Resourcefulness for the win! Funny enough it was on a magazine article but Its gonna work dang it  Its currently at 450 million blocks out of 832 million and Its been running for like 12 hours, Any day now! But seriously people don't click on those ads. They are very very very badddddd

YOU HAVE 2 VIRUSES, CLICK HERE TO SCAN AND FIX NOW!!!

If you clicked on that then you fail and you will suffer for quite a long time :O. 10 Hours to be precise muwahahahahahah. But if you listen to your anti virus over random pop up ads or things that say get free blah blah, you have won 9,000 + IPad Minis you should be fine. Otherwise your life miserable for a week and it will scare the living bajesus out of you. Its happened to me too many time which is probably why I know so much on how to repair them .lul

   And if ya'll aren't sick of me talking about my fiance yet, I have a funny story for you guys. So while I was beating the hard drive with a monkey wrench last night to get it work (its actually very therapeutic to the electrons inside[its actually not, don't do it]). She was watching AMC with the freak show people getting married and yada yada yada. And to know where she is coming from her dad was a well off business man and she has been to the luxurious malls of Dubai and eaten at the finest restaurants till she moved in with me in the boonies of southern Georgia(love is weird like that). And then the show came on... Championship taxidermy(filleting and stuffing Bambi & friends so they can be cute and cuddly forever)! It was a guy using squirrels to reenact the whole Vietnam vets vs hippy and some other guys with birds fighting and loving and ya. You had to seen her face. It went into this state of shock as her eyes got all big and round  and she started blank at the TV as it showed the guy stopping on the side of the road to pick up his squirrels. Being from a different country me and everyone else always ask her whats it like in such and such or do they do this in such and such? Apparently they don't do much taxidermy in the middle east so she got to know a well known redneck tradition. So I had to pull her(literally) out of the room and into bed as her mind tried to wrap its head around what she witnessed

Get it? Flu as in computer virus's and squirrel and in taxidermy? Yes I know it was lame hush. -,-

TTYL

Door to door wrestlers :Is Fey there? مع السلامة, ...thats a yes?

         So after a long day I finally got to come home and sit down to write this before dinner and sleep. My interviews definitely went interesting today, tho the first one was weird and disappointing. It was for this lawn service was looking for employees $500 wk + commission on creigslist my fiance's friend sent me, which is like awesome but commission always makes me leery and here is why.

     I drove there always getting to my places super early for better or worse but hey i didn't know the area and I like to be prepared. I walk into this office in the industrial district and its completely empty. No furniture or anything and there was these paper signs guiding you down the hallway to the guys office. I glanced over at this filing cabinet and it has one of those huge thick gold belts you see on WWE and the guy, who is huge and look like he could squish me just by sitting on me let alone a suplex. He was nice. He greeted me and I greeted him and I was thirty minutes early so he showed me the board room which was generic looking besides all the trash all over the table and left me there till Noon which was the appointment. So I got to sit in a room with absolutely nothing to do for 50 minutes because there was supposed to be 3 other people that never showed up. So being the debonair person I am in my dress shoes,pants,shirt, and tie I got out my BBC app and read up on the news of the world and of course I found this:

The "mastermind" of a plot to lure men to their deaths with bogus jobs ads on the Craigslist website has been found guilty of aggravated murder.

   I was like greatttt. I'm all by my self and there's no witness and no where to go. What was really annoying was there was this clock and it was a black and white generic looking thing like what we had in school and of course it had a blunt annoying click for ever second that passed just like the ones in school. But finally 20 minutes late he gave up and came in for the interview only for me to find out his interview was for Sales Representatives which specialize in D2D sells which is cooperate BS for guy who knocks on your door and tries to sell overpriced stuff to you. But what was worse of all was as much as he was talking there was this smell of B.O coming across the table and assaulting me which was unnerving. Its like gah would it kill you to put deodorant or chew a piece of gum or something? I brush my teeth and coats myself in cologne or as the french know it "toilet water" to look good for these people and here I am about to pass out from this "professional sales manager". Just fml. So he has to interview a couple more people and narrow down the applicants and if I am one of the lucky gentlemen that gets chosen I too will be knocking on your door!

   Aside from that in my earlier blogs I was talking about how these jerks stole my phone number and sold it to this list so I have 50 companies calling me about college a day which is quite annoying. So on my way home from the second interview which went WAYYYY better one of these jerkfaces called me on their 800 number. And since I am a responsible driver that never answers the phone while driving I handed the phone to her and told her to answer it in Arabic  It was the most fantastic way to ward off these people ever. She was rambling in Arabic and the guy was all confused and quite and was like is Fey there?(Arabic response). Feyyyyyyyyyy(more Arabic rambling followed by awkward silence) So Fey isn't there? (even more Arabic chit chat before he gives up and hangs up)/ Its safe to say I was close to peeing my self while driving and laughing very very hard. yes yes i lol"ed but it was like real..

Well I am officially zomged so I am hitting the sack. PEACE OUT!

Commisions and Psych Test : The Great Evil of Job Hunting

   Ok so since last time I cooled now.....for the most part. The job hunting is going good. Got a few interviews Wednesday so woot woot. But before we get into that I have a shout out. I LOVE my awesome fiance. I applied for this cheesy position for " Company looking for entry level position to breed into managers blah blah blah." So optimistic me was all golly gee! This could be my chance for my big break! And I applied and they actually called and I got a phone interview! Which I promptly fumbled but apparently 20 other people did wayyyy worse then me so they called me up for an in office follow up interview. So I got all fancy with my formal attire and gelled hair and did great . It was some company that does gloried samples at bulk and pride themselves on their unique "direct marketing techniques". Which I think I will rant about after the story. ANYHOO so that was on a Friday and during the weekend I fell deathly ill with something I get every couple of months and me and my mortally wounded self was also moving into a new apartment so I wasn't worried about them calling me back Monday. Tuesday rolls around and I finally get better and still no call. I called them 5 times, I II III IV V Times leaving them 4 notes with their secretary between Monday and Tuesday and nothing at all. So Wednesday rolls around and my fiance comes home as grumpy as grumpy cat itself. To cheer her up we went out for pizza and during the drive she was asking me about  the job and I was like I give up, they are a bunch of jerk faces anyways. She grabbed my phone dialed their office on her phone and opened up a gate to hell unleashing it on that poor tiny office of theirs. Had to be the best rage call ever. And it wasn't even vulgar It was the Your company is unprofessional and you hipsters have no business edict what so ever and just plain suck. I was bad and couldn't hold it in bursting out laughing while shes metaphorically biting heads off. So thanks baby, wasn't gonna get the job before and definitely  not gonna get it now but you know what? TOTALLY WORTH IT!!!

   Ok now something else. Remember that "Direct Marketing Technique"? Its so stupid. That's something that annoys me about cooperate America they have to put these fancy gody labels for everything. Let me get on and help you guys translate.

"Sales Representative"
This is a tricky one you have to be careful with. It means essentially person whom sells(salesperson) stuff. BUT the context i copied this from was for a certain makeup company known for going door to door to annoy people. My fiance got suckered into this and learned her lesson. Not advised unless your willing to invest money and probably not get it back not to mention the gas you have to drive around with to hand out the stupid fliers not to mention no guaranteed Income.
It also could mean guy who sells or recommend you stuff at the store  But again salesperson is too simple we need big words like representative to make it so prestigious . Please.

Team Member :
This is what the cooperate world calls a grunt or peon whom does multiple tasks.

Expediter:
Guy who yells that other people to go faster and gets paid for it.

Associate:
Pretty much same as Team Member, Employee? Noooo has to be  fancy and complex

That just a few. If any of you have any other good ones post in the comments.

Another thing you have to watch out for is the dreaded word commission  I loathhhh that word. Some people are good at selling and love it. People like me prefer to be guaranteed a wage that can pay bills that doesn't depend on how many people are gullible enough to take out loans on new cars that depreciate greatly as soon as they leave the lot. Or sometimes that word "Sales Representative may catch you off guard when you apply for a position you think is just setting up product displays which would be awesome but instead you find yourself going door to door selling overpriced vacuums and competing against the jehovah
 witness's for neighborhood dominance.

Like I said, I got a few interviews tomorrow. One of them is for a big chain pet store that's nation wide. This is hands down the WORST part about job hunting.

You are desperate enough to fill out 200-250 of these.
Strongle Disagree
Disagree
Agree
Strongly Agree

Psych Test.....I remember I applied for wollyworld and had to take one of these and it said I didn't qualify for the position  I was like Da F&q? But these are so annoying. God forbid managers interviewing a hopeful for an hour to get a handle on who they are nooooo we need to bombard you with endless vague questions. I had one that was like I prefer to do my work at a slow and steady pace. How do you answer that? Yes so you don't mess anything up? Or no, so you can work faster and keep up with the rush? Or what is they think you say no and your gonna be fast and do a poor job? Or what if they mean yes and they want you to make sure you do a good job? Some of these you can over think so easily. What was really bad was I applied for a couple positions. Same application for multiple positions? HA NO. I had to fill out these 200 questions 3 TIMES. 200 for 3 positions, My brain was so fried after all of that I just ate and slept the rest of the day.

Further more whats the point of having a resume if they are gonna make you fill out you work exp., education, and all that anyways? Why can't they just take the resume? Noooo It has to be in the cooperate system. So job exp. whats the name? easy. whats the position and duties? Ok simple. when did you work there MM/DD/YYYY.... how in the world am I supposed to know that, it was like 5 years ago? Supervisors Name and # and if asked would they rehire you?..... Why do you need that if your gonna ask for references anyways. As many as I have filled out they are just gonna get annoyed from the calls assuming the managers even use that info which they probably don't.

But I digress good hunting and I promise I will talk about something not work related later!!!

Job Hunting, Frustrating Much?

      Job hunting is so annoying. Everything is online now. No one wants to take a paper resume or application. My Dad and his wife don't give me much slack either and are like "Back in my day I just got one, keep calling your not trying hard enough, blah blah blah." Meh, Here is a fun fact, I tried to certain electronics store I'm not gonna mention that has a yellow and blue color scheme. I was gonna be that guy who gets the name of the hiring manager and talk to them so they would know who I am! Instead I go up to customer service and asked if they were there. They said no. Ok I was like I'll do it later! Who is the hiring manager  We aren't allowed to disclose that. (Da #@%!?[I didn't say that but i was thinking it!]). Fine, Fine, No its fine. So then I asked ok when can I come in to meet this person whom I don't know and can't learn. We aren't allowed to give out our employees hours... So ya most successful encounter ever! NOT.

    Another stupid thing are all these news reports about how the economy is improving and we are on the uptick. If there is one thing I have learned about politics is I should only care about the stuff I see. So when I hear in today's article:  The February jobs report released Friday showed the economy added 236,000 jobs, bringing the unemployment rate to 7.7 percent from 7.9 percent the month before. 

    I do some math because I am bored 236,000 jobs divided equally to the  US (50) is 4,720. In Georgia where I live is approx. 59,425 square miles so divide the jobs among Georgia and you

 will find 0.08th of a job per a square mile which at means about every 13 miles 1 job has been created assuming my math is right. What does this mean? it means its depressing and I don't see it haha. I see my local mall slowly dying, the starbucks, disney store and other big name 

shops closed out of it. Seriously Starbucks? How does that even go out of business!

    And assuming your foolish enough to try to start a career that is not a retail giant its truly dreadful. You have all these sites like Snagajob where one wrong click and your phone number gets put on 1,000 different call list. Thus far today I had 4 people form 4 different call centers call me asking me if i want to further my college. I feel like the grumpy cat. I am like NO! 

I think the proper way to some all is up is just a big fat MEH. I hope you all the best of luck in the big hunt!

/end rant

And as a disclosure No whining or complaining about my rants. If you do not wish to hear me whine or complain then don't read this. 

Common sense, Pass it on!

Thanks!

Fey